Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'm alive.

I teach for 8.5 hours everyday.  I spend the other 15.5 hours planning what to teach, preparing materials to teach with, talking to the parents of students I teach, learning how to teach, reflecting on what I just taught, trying to remind myself why I teach and sleeping.  As such, I'm not blogging as much I as I would like to.  My goal is to be back to regular posting by October at the very latest.  Luckily, I have the best friend and co-blogger in the world to hold it down for me while I'm trying to become a teacher.  Danielle is my heart.

However, there was an awards show on Sunday night and, although I didn't watch it, I did search US Weekly's website for pictures of the stars and starlets in their MTV best.  Unfortunately, their MTV best is actually the absolute worst.  I knew it would be bad, but I didn't know how bad until I actually started considering the Jersey Shore cast for my best dressed list.  It started with Britney looking ill-proportioned and just got worst from there, through Miley Cyrus' old-lady maxi dress, Selena Gomez's audition tape for the The Craft, and Katy Perry and Lady Gaga acting like themselves, before bottoming out at Nicki Minaj's ridiculousness.

In the end, there were only two that I ever thought were worth mentioning as best dressed, and they weren't even that great. Zoe Saldana looks chic and fun and I'm just a sucker for an Alaia (Katie Holmes).  Thank you Clueless obsession.

At least the VMA's provided us with the news of Jay and Bey's new baby and with this stunning Adele performance.  She is phenomenal.

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Adele

xo kate

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” -Jack Handey

I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat, and smother that shit in bernaise.

I met my roommate on craigslist.  And despite warnings from my family about waking up in a tub of ice and no kidneys, I couldn't be happier living with JG and pup, Finnleigh.

However....

The. BEST.  Craigslist post.  Ever.  Is highlighted here by Refinery29.

My favorite part:
"I'll...cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking Southern Cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in Bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off."

I don't want to live with this kid, but I do want to be friends.  Bearnaise every night?  Sounds like an approved wolfpack application to me.

The greatest scam in history.


Sunday, August 28, 2011

hello ladies.


This guy your guys could smell like joined the pack back in February 2011. Check out the details here.

Correspondance: I miss you


Dear James and Jack,

I miss you.

Best regards,
Dfest

Love, Hate, Unclear.

I hate these commercials.

I love everything Michael Kors touches/creates.


I love bacon. I love jam. Unclear how I feel about their marriage. TBD.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I feel the earth, move, under my feet.


In the wolfpack: The girl who was on fire

Have you read the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins? I am somewhat obsessed, and still have the third part of the trilogy to go. Despite not knowing how the epic, bloody story ends, I do know one thing: Katniss Everdeen is in the wolfpack.


Here is what makes Katniss a great pack member:
1. Shoots arrows like whoa
2. A natural hunter 
3. Protects her family and friends
4. Fuels uprisings
5.  Wins


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

You Gotta Believe

Did you guys watch PBS's Ghostwriter when you were young? I did and I loved this video.

I'm not sure which part is my favorite: the kung-fu kicks, the sign language, ghostwriter's helpful spelling of key lyrics, or the boom shaka boom. What do you think?

Tuesday Loseday: Trapper Keeper is on the phone

Lisa FrankUCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Monday, August 22, 2011

Correspondence: I am my hair.

Dear Dry Bar,

Please move to Boston so we can be bffs.  I'll introduce you to all of my other friends and you'll never want for company.

Do you remember me from Dallas?   Here is what I looked like before we met:

Look at those sad, life-less locks.

And here is the magic moment when we bonded over a fizzy glass of champagne, rom coms on the big screen, and a perfectly cosmopolitan blowout by the lovely Amanda.


And check me out after...that shine!  The bounce!


It is clear we are meant to be together.  I don't want to live without you anymore.  Pretty please.

Hugs and kisses,
Dfest

***
Not familiar with The Dry Bar?  Check out the full details on their website, or read Brebeauty's write up of the mechanics of this brilliant and luxurious blow dry experience.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Deep in the heart of Texas

So I'm back from the Big D and here is my report!




  1. Take advantage of Dallas Restaurant Week 
    Chicken Fried Steak at Tillmans?  Crab cakes at the Dallas Chop House?  Yes, please.  Food comas could not be avoided.
      
  2. Make appointments at the Dry Bar 
    A truly ahmazing experience.  More on this later.

  3. Visit the 6th Floor Museum 
    An hour at the Texas School Book Depository (Chronicles the legacy and assassination of JFK) was the only touristy activity of the trip--and very worth it. I recommend the 30 minute audio tour that allows you to quietly remember the presidency of John F.Kennedy.  Also, the lady running the front desk called me "sugar" 11 times in 2 minutes.  Loved it.

  4. Enjoy the Heat wave 
    107 degrees at 3PM on a rooftop pool.  Might sound hellish.  But actually not a big deal if you have spf 30, an engrossing book (The Hunger Games), and a steady flow of ice water and salted nuts from the helpful and kind staff of the Fairmont Hotel.
      
  5. Figure out who shot JR 
    It was Kristin.  Total brat.  And JR decided to not press charges since he was her baby daddy. Pfft. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXDBLuitItU)
     
  6. Lightly stalk the castmates of Most Eligible Dallas. 
    I did pass by Teddy's Room.  But I didn't see the cast of the new Bravo shows.  Not a one.  I'm not a very good stalker.  
We also visited the historic West End, had drinks at Reunion Tower, and sampled the most ahmazing fried pickles at Gator's.   


Have you been to Dallas?  Seen Most Eligible Dallas?  Thoughts?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Where the wildcats are: Dallas

Guys--I'm off to the Big D for a few days.


My plan:
  1. Take advantage of Dallas Restaurant Week
  2. Make appointments at the Dry Bar
  3. Visit the 6th Floor Museum
  4. Enjoy the Heat wave
  5. Figure out who shot JR
  6. Lightly stalk the castmates of Most Eligible Dallas.
I'll report back!

Oh baby, I reconsider my foolish notion. Well, I need someone to hold me, but I'll wait for something more.








Baby, ride your firebolt.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Just in case anyone was planning on having a Saved by the Bell themed party this weekend.


You need to remember to keep Screech's face off your posters.  He will find you, and he will threaten legal action.  Because apparently using stock photos from the early nineties is basically telling the world that he's coming to the party in your dorm basement.  And he's definitely not coming to the party in your dorm basement.  Unless, of course, you want to invite him, then he'll totally come.  Get the full story here.

And, by the by, if you were planning on having a Saved by the Bell themed party this weekend and NOT inviting me, you'd better watch your back, my friend.  That's a threat and a promise.

xo kate

Is pounding sand like beating the beat up? If so, count me in.

One more online dating email exchange that I just couldn't keep to myself.  
Is pounding sand like beating the beat up?
Here is what you need to know:
1. This gem of a fellow is over 30 years old and
2. is over 6 feet tall.
3. Has a graduate degree and is listed as "self employed". 
4. This is real life.  I didn't make it up.  Pinky swear.
5. The first part of his first message to me is copy and pasted directly from his dating profile


HIM:
So I like to joke around. A lot. 
If you can't handle it, go pound sand.

So, let's talk. Basically, you're on here trolling around an online dating site because you can't seem to find a guy who will date you in the real world. Does that about sum it up? This website is like a fishbowl of goldfish... all swimming upside down (because they're dead, dim wit). Biological viability. What is it? Let's just say that if this is the penultimate result of your dating life, yours is in question. Pretty abysmal, isn't it?

So, do you actually want to get a date out of this online thing, or are you one of these girls that just likes to expose themselves socially online so you can collect a bunch of losers with no balls telling you how beautiful you are? Well, before I'm willing to even TALK to you, you are going to need to answer 3 questions (see below). I don't have time to waste with "beautiful disasters" looking for another free dinner. I'm not one of those guys that will put up with your B.S. Those guys are weak.

I'm the best catch on here, PERIOD. Don't buy it? Fine. Troll along. Your loss. I'll be the guy over here, having a fantastic life... lol.

If you would like to respond to me, I would prefer you start by answering 3 questions:
1) how is your relationship with your father?
2) when was the last time you had your cell phone (cable, electricity, etc) shut off because you didnt pay the bill?
3) in one word, what is the most important part of a (romantic) relationship?

so what's the catch?  i mean, if you're really such a good find, why are you still single?


DFEST:
To be honest, I'm just a beautiful disaster looking for free dinners...even though I'm not broke and my cell phone has never been turned off.

Or maybe my dad ruined me. We have a great relationship and he is one of my best friends.

Or maybe I just love my life too much and am not particularly interested in settling for anything less than awesome. A healthy balance of respect, friendship and passion. The most important things in a relationship.

Whatever.



HIM: 
hey ;o)

one would think that you would have been able to formulate this response quicker, given your high level of education (graduate degree) and all.

although, i do like the formulaic structure of both this response and your overall profile-especially the deceivingly detached (yet specifically addressing) suggestions followed by distinct, and personal, affirmations.

great sentence and paragraph symmetry too. suggests to me that you have a background in music, or at least a affinity for poetry.

i have heard this, "not willing to settle for anything less (than) awesome" idea A LOT from women. I think it's important to remember that one attracts what they are.
well, i have to go! talk later!
***
I think my dude needs to go pound some sand of his own.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Guest Post: Men are from mars, and women are from...somewhere entirely different.

Hey lambchops.  Happy Hump Day.  

As you know, I love to talk and blog and complain and philosophize and ruminate on the magical worlds of dating and romance.  My stories, however, are usually one-sided, in that I don't get a post-mortem/explanation/evaluation from the dude.  In an effort to present you with a broader perspective, I've recruited my lovely friend and colleague Julia Mayer to share a tale with the wolfpack.  


Although I ordered Julia's first book, I confess that I haven't read it yet; my mom stole it and won't give it back.  Once I do, I'll let you know the 411 on the Eyes in the Mirror.  In the meantime, Julia is here to chat you up and give you a little he said/she said dating action.  Enjoy!
***

I can’t, in good faith to my publicist, write a blog post these days without plugging my book, Eyes in the Mirror, published by Sourcebooks August 1. You can find it at your local bookstore here: http://bit.ly/mtqNld or on Amazon: http://amzn.to/mLxONw. I will say that the book is not about dating advice, though it does involve showing two sides of the same story, which is what I’ll do below.

As an author, I have the wonderful benefit of being able to make up my own truth and have the characters interpret it however I want them to. In real life, it’s not so simple. I have a small group of guy friends, who I’ll dub Clueless Boys. Despite being sweet, and well meaning, and having big hearts, they’re completely mystified by the girls they want to date.

At a bar one night, a friend of mine told me this story. Names have been changed for everyone’s benefit.

“I met this girl, Sarah, at a party at a friend’s house. I thought she was cute right away, so I started talking to her. Turned out we had some shared interests in education so asked for her number in order to set up a lunch to talk about what she’s up to in schools, etc. She gave it to me and I called her and we set up a lunch.

“We had a great time at lunch; we talked for hours. We wound up spending most of the day together. Then I called her and suggested we go out for a drink to continue the conversation. We did. Then she called and suggested we go dancing. That sounded like a certain date, but there were two problems. First, I already had plans at the time she suggested with a male friend. Second, I was nervous since I’m not a very good dancer. Not wanting to turn her down, I accepted and invited my friend to come with us.

“At the bar, she was really flirtatious, we danced, we talked, we had fun. At some point I wanted a smoke and she doesn’t smoke, so me and my friend went outside to have a cigarette then came back in. We only stayed for a little while after that, then my friend left and I walked her home. I wanted to kiss her at the end of the night but I was too nervous so I just said goodnight and left. Now she’s not returning my calls- to be expected, I guess, I never really had a chance wit her.”

I twitched violently through most of this story at the obvious mistakes made. Not only had he once had a chance with her, he had blown it too. So I asked if it would help him to hear the story told again, as she was telling it to her friends at brunch on Sunday.

Here’s what happened from her perspective:

I met a guy at a party at my friend’s house. He started talking to me and seemed sweet. Turned out we had some similar interests in education and stuff, so when he asked for my number and suggested we get lunch. Lunch is a good pre-date. We totally hit it off. Then a few days later, I met him after work to “finish the conversation” over drinks. We had a great time again, but now I felt like, you know, this was a date. So it was pretty weird that he didn’t really make a move. I think he liked me, but it was a little hard to tell.

Thinking I would give him another chance…maybe he was nervous? I called and asked him to come dancing with me. CLEARLY a date. So I get there and he’s brought a friend with him. A guy friend, so not another girl, but come on. You don’t bring your guy friends on a date with a girl you actually like. Now on top of that, we’re dancing and flirting and he interrupts it to go outside with his friend and smoke. Leaving me alone in the bar. He knew I didn’t smoke, like, could he not have waited for a couple of hours.

So finally, I think I get a sign that he likes me: he walks me home. [Here all of her friends say: awwww, that’s so cute…] I think so too at first, really sweet, right? Like how cute, we weren’t even that close to my house. But we get all the way home and he doesn’t hold my hand. He doesn’t put his arm around me. He most certainly doesn’t kiss me goodnight. So I figured, ok, that’s it. He’s just not interested. And then, only after all of that, does he start calling me on a regular basis. If he was interested, he would’ve already made the move. And I know I shouldn’t be pissed, but I’m kinda pissed. Why go through all of this if he just wants another friend?

These are the questions he asked after hearing the story:
Was it so wrong to bring my friend?
Yes. Just yes. You had two options here: cancel with your guy friend (who would’ve been totally fine with it) or suggest an alternate date. Bringing a friend is clear “just friends” territory.

Why can’t I leave her alone in a bar?
If she’s as hot as you say she is, she’s going home with someone else. Other guys are going to see that you’re not interested and move in.

What else could I have done?
Use the word “date.” Seriously. You have no idea how much this helps. Half the time I go on a date, I have no idea whether we’re on a date or just getting dinner until you offer to pick up the check (we can leave the who-should-pay argument for another day, but ladies, cut the guy some slack on this. It’s really a damned if you, damned if you don’t situation).

Little gestures like holding hands or putting your arm around her are also really good signals- I know they seem small, but they’re the things that make the friends swoon at brunch, and that’s part of what keeps the chick interested.

So here’s the take away from this sad story: Gentlemen, be clear and open about what you want and your intentions. And if you’re interested, go the extra mile to show it. You really do confuse us. Ladies, cut they guy some slack. He’s doing a lot of the hard work here and you’re pretty baffling to him, too.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Thursday, August 4, 2011

GTLive: Is Firenze "Florence"?

Deena is creepin on Pauly?  Pfft.  Bring it on. 



I think its going to be a great season, my dudes.

GTL Live: Taxi sono qui.

Important Reader Poll:  
How many episodes before Sammi and Ronny smush? 
 Kelly says 3 episodes.
I say 2.

GTLive: JWow wow wow wow

Found this on pinterest...original source is not confirmed.

GTLive: I don't do birds.

I love that 3 people are sitting in the front of each car.

At first I thought I hated it. But after 37 minutes, JWoww's skinny nose is growing on me.  She looks less Amazonian and more feminine.

Snooki's white flower headband?  Not so much.

What is up with the pigeons?  Who flies that close? Good question, girls. I lived in Italy for 5 months and I never had a pigeon problem.

Am I the only one impressed by Snooki's committment to physical fitness?

Mike's confession:  me and Snooki, we kinda hooked up.  2-3 months ago.

Wait a tick.  Hold the phone. Shut the front door. Snooki and Sitch hooked up multiple times?  Am I the only one NOT BUYING THIS?  Nice lies, Mike.

Mike is a creepy scumbag.  When he whispers like this, I feel dirty.

I die when Sue Sylvester addresses me directly.

GTLive: I'm down a can of bronzer

I hate myself for this, but I kinda sorta love Mike's white travel suit.

"It is the most beautiful-est country that I've ever seen." -DJ Pauly D

Florence is my least favorite Italian city.  Always has been.  Its so Americanized.  So much english.  So many tourists. And yet...Santa Cleopatra, watching this makes me miss Italy so much.


I too love Limoncello.  Just another reason that Pauly and I should marry.  Assuming he passes his STD tests.

Sammy thinks Ronnie looks good.  Sammy is an idiot.

Wait...did Dina get a nose job too?

Sammi just described Michelangelo's statue of Davide as a "metro".  Sacrilege.  I shake my fist at the tv.

This 6 hour power commercial is really starting to grow on me.

Jersey Shore: Season 4 New Footage from Italy - Italiano

Did you guys catch this commercial? Did you hate it but secretly kinda giggle at its absurdity? Me too. I would have liked it more if it was JUST Deena/Dina/However you spell the new chick (aka blast in a glass).

GTLive: Passports are here.

First thoughts:

First and foremost: why are Pauly D and I NOT engaged?

Is Snooki's boyfriend kinda cute?  Yea, I think he is.  Good bone structure.

I'm loving this passport montage.  I love all montages.

Il taxi e' arrivato.  Niiiiiiiiiiiice language skills, my dude.

Kelly and I agree: we don't recognize Vinny with this facial hair.

Just so we are clear:  Snooki going to Italy for 6 weeks does not constitute a long term relationship.

Is it just me, or did JWoww lose 20 pounds and get a nose job and new makeup and new hair?


Single Ronnie?  Awesome.  I love single Ronnie.

Why is Sammi still on the show?   She is the sweetest bitch I wish I never met.

I love when Vinnie's family cooks.  Reminds me of home.

Dina's dad is a total silver fox.

Wait...are the girls and guys NOT on the same flight?

Commercial break.

And they're off...

The cast has taken off.  I'm happy to report that crocadilly is, in fact, making the trip.

xo kate

Monday, August 1, 2011

This guy

I can't even wink, but this guy can friggin turn his face and voice into 10000 different celebrities. He can imitate half of the wolfpack!