Monday, July 30, 2012

Backflip Boys

One thing that you probably could guess about me is that I'm obsessed with the Olympics.  Always have been.  I love America.  I love sports.  I love rivalries.  I love montages and grainy videos of child athletes.  I love dramatic starts and heroic finishes.  I love older athletes fighting for one last shot at glory.  I love plucky young phenoms looking to change the game.  From the lighting of the torch to the closing ceremonies; I love it all.

One thing you may not have predicted, however, is my intense love of men's gymnastics.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the women too (and, for the record, I'm horrified that the Olympic committee isn't letting Jordyn Weber compete in the all-around, but that's a story for another day.)  But I really love men's gymnastics.  It all started during the Beijing games.  I was "between jobs" and staying up all night watching obscure events like white water rafting time trials, when I stumbled upon men's gymnastics.  I was hooked.  Men's gymnastics is a lot like women's gymnastic but without the dancing and the balance beam.  They compete on floor, high bar, rings, pommel horse, parallel bars and vault.  I have never seen human bodies do the types of things that male gymnasts are able to do.  They may very well be the best trained athletes in the world, yet male gymnastics is so often overlooked or thought of as girly.

At any rate, I'm obsessed with the sport.  Needless to say, I've been following the Olympic team closely.  Though I'm a little disappointed Chris Brooks didn't make it, I have to say, this may well be the most likable U.S. team competing in London.  From day one of the trials, I knew I was going to love them when they all wore matching leotards to show that although they were competing, they were already a team.

Since then, my love for Jonathan, John, Sam, Jake, and Danell has only grown.  They are humble, talented, hard-working and just so f-ing likeable. They are so likable, in fact, I think that they need to stick together after the Olympics and form a boy band.

They are young, good-looking, all-American, athletic, ethnically diverse, and already well-versed at pretending they like each other.  They could be called the Backflip Boys, and they would be like a combination of the Backstreet Boys and America's Best Dance Crew.  Jonathan is clearly the older brother figure, more like a Kevin Richardson-type, John is the bad-boy since, as NBC likes to mention every 17 seconds, he grew up in The Bronx.  Jake and Sam are the pretty boys, and Danell is the talent.  He would sing lead on most of the songs, not because he's the best, but because he wants it the most.

You may say, "But Kate, can any of them sing?" And to that I would answer, "I'm not sure.  But have you hear Demi Lovato's song?  Singing is not a requirement to be a pop star these days."

The Backflip Boys would struggle in the beginning, because all victories are sweeter when you really work for them.  (Also, we need some early struggles to make their episode of Behind the Music interesting.)  They would parlay their moderate Olympic fame into a national tour, performing mostly at malls and theme parks at first, but at some point they would pick up some endorsements and eventually get a deal for a Backflip Boys themed-cruise.  It would be there that they would meet Channing Tatum's agent and strike a deal to star in Magic Mike 2: Return to the Pole.  The rest, as they say, would be history.  MM2 would sky-rocket the group to fame and glory, with a platinum soundtrack, an ensuing theatrical-adaptation and prime-time series (on cable, of course) and the Boys even earning that elusive E.G.O.T.

But the good times wouldn't last forever.  Eventually, Danell, sick of sharing the spotlight, would release a solo album, Still Ringing.  Jonathan would start a family because he's like 60.  John would return to The Bronx to start his own dance/gymnastic foundation for "troubled" youth. Jake would move back to Las Vegas and join the Chippendale's. And poor, beautiful Sam would develop a coke problem, sleep his way through young Hollywood stars and starlets, and -- after an intervention briefly brought the band back together -- end up clinging to the last bits of dying fame on Celebrity Rehab.

Honestly, I don't understand how this hasn't happened yet.  Can someone please get Lou Pearlman on the phone?

xo kate

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