Paging President Bartlet...

My sister and I are known for our unusual taste in children's programming.  We loved 90210 (the original) long before we hit double-digits, and our favorite movies to rent as children were the underappreciated 1990 classic, Ski Patrol and the movie that made Charlie Sheen comic gold, Hot Shots!  We just loved Hot Shots!  (Yes, you need to exclamation point every time.) It was completely inexplicible, since we hadn't actually seen any of the movies that it was mocking -- in fact, it's unclear if we even knew it was a parody -- but we loved it all the same.  Rewatching the trailer now, it seems like at least 87% of the humor was deduced from people falling down.  Maybe that was all it took?

At any rate, I had a major soft-spot for Charlie Sheen.  It's never that I really thought the guy who played Superman and Rhett Butler in the same movie was a great actor, or even a great person, but I just really wanted to like him. 

As such, for years I've been willing to ignore the headlines: "Charlie Sheen checks into rehab after week-long bender," "Charlie Sheen admits to paying $50K for hookers," "Charlie Sheen dons fake mustache to conceal affair," "Charlie Sheen held wife at knifepoint," "Charlie Sheen found drunk, naked in NYC hotel room," "Charlie Sheen admits to fathering four panda cubs," "Porn Star, Charlie Sheen trade nasty barbs over hotel fiasco."  (I only made up one of those.) 

One of many trips to the clink.  And not the one in The Liberty Hotel.

In the last few weeks, however, I've been forced to ask myself: has the the former Lt. Topper just gone bat-shit crazy?

Yesterday I read the following on USmagazine.com (yep, that's where you get the hard-hitting news):
In his latest radio rant, Charlie Sheen blasted 12-step programs, calling them "bootleg cults" with a success rate of 5 percent, noting that his sobriety success rate was 100 percent. "News-flash," the actor told The Alex Jones Show. "I am special and I will never be one of you."

Sheen, 45, went on to dismiss the notion that substance abuse is a disease. "I have a disease?" he said. "Bulls**t! I cured it ... with my mind."

Calling Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre a "turd," Sheen claimed to have embarrassed him "in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his un-evolved mind cannot process." 

Then today, it's this (also via USmagazine.com, obvs):

At least I still have Emilio...

"What does this say about [show creator] Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me?" Sheen wrote. "I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows. I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon," the actor, 45, continued, referring to his interview on The Alex Jones Show. "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.  I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong," he concluded. "Remember these are my people, not yours. We will continue on together."

CBS and Warner Bros. Entertainment have yet to comment on Sheen's rebuttal.

This is crazy rant is positively Gibson-esque in its antisemitism, anger and rambling incoherence.  I never thought I'd turn on the child of my favorite President, but the time has come.   Mr. Sheen, I'm sorry, you're out of the wolfpack.

xo kate