Warning

This is a public service announcement.

Do not, under any circumstances, go to the movies and see the new Witherspoon/Rudd/Wilson flic vaguely entitled, "How do you know?" It is a long, horrific, plot-less nightmare. A nightmare so terrifying that it cannot even be sweetened by Paul Rudd's usual charm and humor.

This warning comes from a person who LOVES cheesy rom coms. I even love cheesy made-for-Lifetime rom coms (my favorite is Maneater starring Sarah Chalke). My friends share the same passion for the sticky sweet and completely unrealistic genre. For this reason, in addition to plans for a "girls day" that included a subpar brunch at a local diner and manicures at the best nail salon in middlesex county, we paid the matinee rate to see Jack Nicholson's most terrifying movie since, "The Shining."

What is so bad about the movie, you might ask? OMG. Effing everything.

For starters, Reese Witherspoon is bland. And weak. And unbalanced. Is she a tough softball player? Or a woman looking for hope and inspiration in all the wrong places (including silly quotes scribbled on post-its and taped to her bathroom mirror)? Or a whiney unemployed girl with no idea on how to make decisions of the heart. It remains unclear...up to the very end of the 1hour and 56 minute film.

Paul Rudd is oddly spineless. And not at all endearing. Remember that amazing goodness in "Knocked Up" when Rudd rambled on about the hotel chairs? Yea, well, there is none of that in "How do you know?"

Jack Nicholson is a superfluous snore. I think someone stole his charisma.

Owen Wilson is Owen Wilson. Which is never good.

The only good thing about the film is Reese Withersoon's hair. Seriously. She has great hair that looks effortless and natural and wavy (but not too wavy) and awesome all at the same time.

I wonder if she uses Bumble and Bumble Styling Lotion.

I have heard that this is the most amazing styling product EVER. And this notion was confirmed in a recent post on I'm the It Girl. I plan to test it out and report back to you all asap. Read more about the messiah of hair products here: http://www.imtheitgirl.com/2010/09/beauty-fridays-bumble-and-bumble.html

But I digress...

Just don't ever pay to see "How Do You Know?" And don't even see it for free. You've been warned.