I'm making a list, and checking it twice...

xo kate

I wear my sunglasses at night

Generally speaking, I try not to be completely against most fashion trends.  Usually the problem with the trend is the person wearing it, or the styling or the context rather than the actual clothing item itself.  Also, I've had a tendency to judge things too quickly and then come around to them.  When this happens, I feel stupid. (See: leggings and/or tights, gold jewelry, structured shoulders.)  However, there is one despicable and pervasive eyewear "trend" I cannot, will not and should not ever get behind.

That's right, wildcats.  I'm talking about Transitions lenses.  Those horrible glasses with lenses made from photochromic glass, which allows them to "adjust to the changing light" in order to function as both sunglasses and traditional glasses.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.  And then watch the commercial below.

This is not a good look.

When I was a kid, I remember seeing the commercials for Transitions lenses (Now just called "Transitions" since apparently they've now become so famous they no longer need a qualifier.  Sort of like Lindsay Lohan.) and assuming that this would be the wave of the future. (But I also thought the same thing about mini disc players, so I wasn't much of a technical trend forcaster back in the day.) 

I inherently understood the appeal of such an innovation.  Imagine, one pair of glasses to take you from day to night and back again!  No more switching glasses when you walked outside, or buying expensive prescription sunglasses, or -- god forbid -- wearing those clip-on flip-up sun shields to attach to your normal glasses.  Plus, the science is just sort of mind buggling -- glass coated in silver that you could see through? Amazing!

Jack Nicholson is an icon.
But not a fashion icon.

In short, Transitions seemed an ingenious solution to glasses wearers' sunglasses dilemma.  There was just one problem -- they don't work!

As everyone who has ever been to an early bird special or an Old Country Buffet knows, Transitions lenses get dark (sort of) and never get completely light or clear again.  Ever.  As a result, thousands of Transitions lens loyalists have been force for two decades to look like Jack Nicholson at all times.  And that's definitely not a compliment.  The wearers of Transitions lenses seemingly never notice or acknowledge that they are wearing sunglasses indoors, but that is clearly what's happening.  It's unclear to me whether this individuals think that is this is makes them looks cool, or if their eyesight is really so bad that they just don't notice they are shrouded in darkness much of the time.  Maybe they are just mad that they too were doped into paying hundreds of dollars for glasses that don't work. 

This is weird. But Transitions lenses are even
weirder.

Another unintended consequence of Transitions technical short-comings is that I absolutely hate them.  I think they are quite possibly the least attractive and most ridiculous eyewear of the last half-century.  (I would include all time, but the monocle was pretty silly-looking and unpractical as well.)  And I'm including those shutter shades popularized by Kanye West a few years ago.  I have yet to see anyone that looks good in Transitions.  Everyone looks like an elderly creeper.  And, for some reason that I can't quite pin-point, also like a smoker.  I just don't understand how this trend still has legs and, yet, I still see people in Transitions all the time.  Don't people understand that they don't look good?

So, wildcats, I turn to you.  Tell me, I beg of you, what am I missing? What is the appeal of Transitions lenses? And why oh why are people still wearing them?

xo kate

Paging President Bartlet...

My sister and I are known for our unusual taste in children's programming.  We loved 90210 (the original) long before we hit double-digits, and our favorite movies to rent as children were the underappreciated 1990 classic, Ski Patrol and the movie that made Charlie Sheen comic gold, Hot Shots!  We just loved Hot Shots!  (Yes, you need to exclamation point every time.) It was completely inexplicible, since we hadn't actually seen any of the movies that it was mocking -- in fact, it's unclear if we even knew it was a parody -- but we loved it all the same.  Rewatching the trailer now, it seems like at least 87% of the humor was deduced from people falling down.  Maybe that was all it took?

At any rate, I had a major soft-spot for Charlie Sheen.  It's never that I really thought the guy who played Superman and Rhett Butler in the same movie was a great actor, or even a great person, but I just really wanted to like him. 

As such, for years I've been willing to ignore the headlines: "Charlie Sheen checks into rehab after week-long bender," "Charlie Sheen admits to paying $50K for hookers," "Charlie Sheen dons fake mustache to conceal affair," "Charlie Sheen held wife at knifepoint," "Charlie Sheen found drunk, naked in NYC hotel room," "Charlie Sheen admits to fathering four panda cubs," "Porn Star, Charlie Sheen trade nasty barbs over hotel fiasco."  (I only made up one of those.) 

One of many trips to the clink.  And not the one in The Liberty Hotel.

In the last few weeks, however, I've been forced to ask myself: has the the former Lt. Topper just gone bat-shit crazy?

Yesterday I read the following on USmagazine.com (yep, that's where you get the hard-hitting news):
In his latest radio rant, Charlie Sheen blasted 12-step programs, calling them "bootleg cults" with a success rate of 5 percent, noting that his sobriety success rate was 100 percent. "News-flash," the actor told The Alex Jones Show. "I am special and I will never be one of you."

Sheen, 45, went on to dismiss the notion that substance abuse is a disease. "I have a disease?" he said. "Bulls**t! I cured it ... with my mind."

Calling Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre a "turd," Sheen claimed to have embarrassed him "in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his un-evolved mind cannot process." 

Then today, it's this (also via USmagazine.com, obvs):

At least I still have Emilio...

"What does this say about [show creator] Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me?" Sheen wrote. "I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows. I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon," the actor, 45, continued, referring to his interview on The Alex Jones Show. "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.  I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong," he concluded. "Remember these are my people, not yours. We will continue on together."

CBS and Warner Bros. Entertainment have yet to comment on Sheen's rebuttal.

This is crazy rant is positively Gibson-esque in its antisemitism, anger and rambling incoherence.  I never thought I'd turn on the child of my favorite President, but the time has come.   Mr. Sheen, I'm sorry, you're out of the wolfpack.

xo kate

Slater Hater

Speaking of losing faith in America, apparently there's a guy in Illinois hates A.C. Slater so much that he couldn't even stand to look at him while taking a piss.

Who could hate those curls?

Although A.C. is inferior to Zack in pretty much every measurable way, he's still a key part of the Saved by the Bell gang.  Without A.C., who would have played the drums in Zack's Attack? Or taught the gang to drive? Or fixed Mr. Belding's car? Or kept wet-blanket Jessie busy? Or worn those ridiculous wrestling outfits?  Or taught us the geography of Liechtenstein was by dating its princess?  Or showed Zack that you don't mess with your friends sisters? Or kept the members of the Malibu Sands Beach Club safe from sharks and drowning?  Or taught the gang about responsibility by having them babysit for Archie?  Or sung that stirring rendition of How Am I Suppose to Live Without You during Zack and Kelly's break up?

Yep, there are a million reasons to love Albert Clifford, which leaves us wondering: who would do such a thing?  Well, if I were a betting woman, I'd guess we've finally found where the Spanos shipped Eric off too.  Someone needs to see if he's missing $11.

xo kate