Greatest Hits: Pinch Hitter

The Grammy's dubs themselves "music's biggest night," but this year's could more accurately be called, "Kate's biggest nap."  My plan to live blog went horribly awry when I accidentally slept through nearly the whole show.  Luckily, Neil saved the day -- live blogging the entire event and becoming one of our very first guest bloggers!  Remember that night here.

xo kate

Guest Post: Men are from mars, and women are from...somewhere entirely different.

Hey lambchops.  Happy Hump Day.  

As you know, I love to talk and blog and complain and philosophize and ruminate on the magical worlds of dating and romance.  My stories, however, are usually one-sided, in that I don't get a post-mortem/explanation/evaluation from the dude.  In an effort to present you with a broader perspective, I've recruited my lovely friend and colleague Julia Mayer to share a tale with the wolfpack.  


Although I ordered Julia's first book, I confess that I haven't read it yet; my mom stole it and won't give it back.  Once I do, I'll let you know the 411 on the Eyes in the Mirror.  In the meantime, Julia is here to chat you up and give you a little he said/she said dating action.  Enjoy!

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I can’t, in good faith to my publicist, write a blog post these days without plugging my book, Eyes in the Mirror, published by Sourcebooks August 1. You can find it at your local bookstore here: http://bit.ly/mtqNld or on Amazon: http://amzn.to/mLxONw. I will say that the book is not about dating advice, though it does involve showing two sides of the same story, which is what I’ll do below.

As an author, I have the wonderful benefit of being able to make up my own truth and have the characters interpret it however I want them to. In real life, it’s not so simple. I have a small group of guy friends, who I’ll dub Clueless Boys. Despite being sweet, and well meaning, and having big hearts, they’re completely mystified by the girls they want to date.

At a bar one night, a friend of mine told me this story. Names have been changed for everyone’s benefit.

“I met this girl, Sarah, at a party at a friend’s house. I thought she was cute right away, so I started talking to her. Turned out we had some shared interests in education so asked for her number in order to set up a lunch to talk about what she’s up to in schools, etc. She gave it to me and I called her and we set up a lunch.

“We had a great time at lunch; we talked for hours. We wound up spending most of the day together. Then I called her and suggested we go out for a drink to continue the conversation. We did. Then she called and suggested we go dancing. That sounded like a certain date, but there were two problems. First, I already had plans at the time she suggested with a male friend. Second, I was nervous since I’m not a very good dancer. Not wanting to turn her down, I accepted and invited my friend to come with us.

“At the bar, she was really flirtatious, we danced, we talked, we had fun. At some point I wanted a smoke and she doesn’t smoke, so me and my friend went outside to have a cigarette then came back in. We only stayed for a little while after that, then my friend left and I walked her home. I wanted to kiss her at the end of the night but I was too nervous so I just said goodnight and left. Now she’s not returning my calls- to be expected, I guess, I never really had a chance wit her.”

I twitched violently through most of this story at the obvious mistakes made. Not only had he once had a chance with her, he had blown it too. So I asked if it would help him to hear the story told again, as she was telling it to her friends at brunch on Sunday.

Here’s what happened from her perspective:

I met a guy at a party at my friend’s house. He started talking to me and seemed sweet. Turned out we had some similar interests in education and stuff, so when he asked for my number and suggested we get lunch. Lunch is a good pre-date. We totally hit it off. Then a few days later, I met him after work to “finish the conversation” over drinks. We had a great time again, but now I felt like, you know, this was a date. So it was pretty weird that he didn’t really make a move. I think he liked me, but it was a little hard to tell.

Thinking I would give him another chance…maybe he was nervous? I called and asked him to come dancing with me. CLEARLY a date. So I get there and he’s brought a friend with him. A guy friend, so not another girl, but come on. You don’t bring your guy friends on a date with a girl you actually like. Now on top of that, we’re dancing and flirting and he interrupts it to go outside with his friend and smoke. Leaving me alone in the bar. He knew I didn’t smoke, like, could he not have waited for a couple of hours.

So finally, I think I get a sign that he likes me: he walks me home. [Here all of her friends say: awwww, that’s so cute…] I think so too at first, really sweet, right? Like how cute, we weren’t even that close to my house. But we get all the way home and he doesn’t hold my hand. He doesn’t put his arm around me. He most certainly doesn’t kiss me goodnight. So I figured, ok, that’s it. He’s just not interested. And then, only after all of that, does he start calling me on a regular basis. If he was interested, he would’ve already made the move. And I know I shouldn’t be pissed, but I’m kinda pissed. Why go through all of this if he just wants another friend?

These are the questions he asked after hearing the story:

Was it so wrong to bring my friend?

Yes. Just yes. You had two options here: cancel with your guy friend (who would’ve been totally fine with it) or suggest an alternate date. Bringing a friend is clear “just friends” territory.

Why can’t I leave her alone in a bar?

If she’s as hot as you say she is, she’s going home with someone else. Other guys are going to see that you’re not interested and move in.

What else could I have done?

Use the word “date.” Seriously. You have no idea how much this helps. Half the time I go on a date, I have no idea whether we’re on a date or just getting dinner until you offer to pick up the check (we can leave the who-should-pay argument for another day, but ladies, cut the guy some slack on this. It’s really a damned if you, damned if you don’t situation).

Little gestures like holding hands or putting your arm around her are also really good signals- I know they seem small, but they’re the things that make the friends swoon at brunch, and that’s part of what keeps the chick interested.

So here’s the take away from this sad story: Gentlemen, be clear and open about what you want and your intentions. And if you’re interested, go the extra mile to show it. You really do confuse us. Ladies, cut they guy some slack. He’s doing a lot of the hard work here and you’re pretty baffling to him, too.

GTL Thursday Guest-post: The Land of Freedom and Space

Dear Wildcats,

As you know, it is quite possible (although not probable) that DJ Pauly D is my soulmate.  Our relationship will mean that in addition to adopting a stricter GTL routine, I will also have to spend a great deal of time in Vegas--where he regularly spins.   As such, I have asked my friend and current Vegas resident, Hester, to give us the 411 on the land of freedom and space.  And so without further ado...

xoxo
Dfest

I was born and raised in Seattle, but have called Boston home for the past ten years of my life. I went to college, graduate school, found employment, made friends, ate well, adopted Boston sports teams, and built a good life in what I had once considered a god-forsaken land. Despite the freezing winters and unbearably humid summers, I had really grown to like the place.

Until, one day, my professional poker playing boyfriend proposed, and I was transplanted to this strange little part of the countrythat we call Vegas, baby. The lovely Dfest asked that I give the inside scoop on Vegas to the Wolfpack, so here goes nothing...


Las Vegas, Nevada: The land of tits and tips, where Holly Madison and Jayde Nicoleare in a fake boob fight, and where Kourtney Kardashian’s douchey baby daddy tried to stuff dollar bills down a waiter’s throat.

Vegas was built in the desert, transforming the land into an adult sandbox: Hordes of indulgent tourists pouring in, waddling up and down the strip with their drinks, standing in line for hours to engorge themselves at the buffets, ogling the barely-dressed gals that surround them everywhere.

All of the fresh produce in Vegas is brought via Fed-Ex jet DAILY, and the average electricity consumption is 2-3x that of the average citizen with nary a solar panel in sight. Vegas place is a sustainability nightmare and would make Al Gore very sad.


The locals are made of silicone and testosterone. It’s kind of like living amongst the cast of the Jersey Shore.The girls have figures like J-Woww and wear Juicy Couture sweats. The guys are total juiceheads with sleeves of tattoos, gelled hair, large monster trucks. Snookie would die.

Also, may I remind everyone that Sharron Angle almost won Harry Reid’s senate seat. Who the f#$% are these people?!?

Needless to say, I’m having a little trouble fitting in.

Yet I kind of like it out here. I’ve always had loyalties to the west coast. Despite being Asian, I have an obsessive need for space and freedom, which Vegas offers in spades.

Vegas = Royal Flush of Freedom and Space

The cost of living is also incredibly low, and the juiceheads and J-Wowws are actually pretty chill.

Also, despite the fact that the food is Fed-Exed in, the dining is amazing. All of the top chefs have restaurants here: Hubert Keller, Guy Savoy (his only restaurant in America!), Thomas Keillor, Tom Collicchio, Bobby Flay, THE Masa, Jean-Georges, and the list goes on. There are also tons of incredible cheap eats, like In-N-Outs, taco trucks, Hawaiian foodgalore.

The food, coupled with the fact that I have to drive, no twalk, everywhere, is making me fat and fatter. Just in time for my upcoming nuptials! Thankfully, my fiance and I joined a gym, where the gym members are all J-Wowws and Ronnies, so we are extra motivated to get movin’ and look good!
(We seriously joined the gym because everyone was super hot and fit.)

We’ll see how this all pans out...

In the meantime, I leave you with some Top 5 Vegas lists to guide you during your next visit to Sin City.

Top 5 Vegas Buffets
Aria
Wynn
Cosmopolitan
Bellagio
Countless all-you-can-eat sushi and bbq joints offstrip.

Top 5 Tourist Types to Avoid
1.      Middle-aged people at the club. No one wants to see old people grinding up on each other at a club. It’s not even tolerable when hot young people do it. The old people are worse because they’re so happy about being out and doing something cool and young that they don’t know how to handle themselves. They start arthymically flailing their limbs about and hitting you in the face. Actually, who are the stupid bouncers letting these old people in the club in the firstplace. Go to places like Marquee, Haze, XS, where you won’t be subjected to this nightmare.
2.      Old men with their trophy 20-something girlfriends. They’re everywhere and it’s sooooogross to see in person. Honestly, women, have you no shame? How can you sit there with your boobs hanging out and your nimble limbs draped over a wrinkly,old farty sack, laughing at his corny old people jokes. Give me a break.
3.      Drunk young people slobbering, taking their clothes off, falling down all over theplace, while yelling. These people act like they’ve never had alcohol before.Ugh.
4.      European tourists. Ok, I love Europe and I love European culture, but Europeans seem to have no concept of personal space. They come from these small confined lands where they live on top of each other. Then they fly on an airplane to the wild west frontier where there is lots and lots of land, and they still act like they’re in a box. Hello, people! We’re in America now! Don’t nip at my heels when you’re walking behind me. Don’t smoke in the pokerroom. Don’t blow said cigarette smoke in my face when you’re trying to talk tome. Don’t run into me on the wide spacious street. There’s plenty of space!! This is America!!Land of Freedom and Space!!! Ok, I’ll stop now....

Top 5 Must Dos in Vegas
1.       Get free drinks while playing the penny slots.
2.       Get free drinks while playing craps at a really crowded table. It has to be crowded,otherwise it’s not fun.
3.       Watch one of the Cirque du Soleils - O, Mystere, Love. Ka is aiight; Elvis isapparently atrocious.
4.       Watch one of the divas, Celine or Bette or Elton or Garth Brooks, live in concert.
5.       Eat at one of the buffets mentioned above.