I think I wanna marry you.

You may have noticed that I've been MIA for the summer.  That's because I was in New Hampshire slash the greater New England region for the summer, hanging with my sister and helping her plan her wedding.  Well, it happened last Saturday and, I'm pretty bias, but it was the funnest wedding ever.  After a weekend of lawn games, hiking, delicious food, great company and more dancing and sweating then humanly possible, I'm incredibly tired, incredibly happy, and incredibly grateful for my amazing, hilarious, crazy family that got a little bit bigger this on Saturday.  As an added bonus, I did not pass out, pee myself, or cry during my speech.  All three were distinct possibilities.  Now I'm back in DC and back to work and in complete denial about both.  I will also be back to blogging shortly.  For now, I'll leave you with a quick preview of images from the day, taken by the uber-talent Amanda Borozinski of Boro Creative Designs.  If you're having a New England wedding, you're crazy if you don't look at Amanda's work.  (Oh, and she got these pictures while it was raining.)

xo kate

I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together...

A colleague of mine recently told me that flash mobs were, "soooo 2009."   Come on now now.  That just doesn't make any sense to me.

If dancing around my room alone is fun, and dancing at the Bell in the Hand with Kelly, Lisa, and Chaci is fun to the 10th degree, then it only stands to reason that participating in an organized dancing flash mob with all of my friends is so freaking fun that it hurts. Its science, guys.  Algorithms.

Besides, I'm pretty sure that no fun thing is ever dated.  It is like bowling.  Or like rollerskating.  Figuring out the rubrix cube. Winning Monopoly.  Wearing winged eye-liner.

And even though I've never done any of these things successfully, I hope you get my drift. And so, back to the topic at hand:  flash mobs.

I'll be honest: I don't know the official history of dancing flash mobs. But I do remember the first time I experienced the phenomenon...and if you were a teenager in the 90s, I'll bet my bottom dollar you remember as well.  Seriously, how badly did you want your high school to organize a dance a la "She's All That" for prom?  Whenever I see Freddie Prince Jr. awkward dufas face, I get the Rockefella Skank stuck in my head.  Now its stuck in yours too.



Recently, my friend Kelly and I took a cue from Usher and put together a flashmob for our friends' wedding.

Using a free and un-intuitive download of Audacity, Kelly mixed, cut, and blended the music mix; four songs, four styles, four times the fun.  Pulling inspiration from various music videos, movies, and youtube clips, we then choreographed the 2.5 minute number. We went for simple, classic and hella jazzy dance moves:  grapevines, the Carlton, spirit fingers.  Think Fosse meets Footloose and mix in some fist pumps...and boom goes the dynamite.

The bride, groom, bridal party, friends and family totally embraced the plan, learned the moves via silly youtube videos, and brought swagger and life and fun to the mob.  Check it out, son.



Kelly and I are also available for bar mitzvahs, sweet sixteens, and holiday parties.

It is funny because it is true.

Today's the day.

Kim and Waldo's wedding. Dflash and MixMaster Hodge's Dance Mob.

I'm dflash, btw.

Full video coverage will be shared this week.  In the meantime...

In the wolfpack: Barney

The wisdom of Barney never ceases.

Check out old Barney pep talks here.

Kris Humphries was never in the wolfpack.

I love Kim Kardashian and I don't care who knows it!

Mostly, I love her sense of style and her hair.  But I do also respect her close family ties, as well as her seemingly never ending search for true love.

With the recent news of her marriage and subsequent 72-day-later-divorce, many have questioned my continued love of Kim K, citing numerous examples of how she not only spends her days whoring herself out to the media, but also duping and stealing from the American public.

Let me be clear:  Kim K is not my moral compass.  She is my style icon.

More specifically, when I'm in a tricky situation or forced to make a difficult decision, I don't ask myself, "What would Kim K do?"  Quite the contrary, my dear Watson.

Rather, Kim is my compass when I'm shopping.  Or dressing for a date.  Or trying to figure out how fake eyelashes work.  (FYI: they remain a mystery)

Kim K is never going to be compared to Mother Theresa or Audrey Hepburn.  Instead, she is going to be compared to Marilyn Monroe...another gorgeous, curvy, iconic female with a sassy attitude and a questionable code of ethics.

Moving on...

While I freely admit that I love Kim K...I cannot say the same about her new (but-soon-to-ex) husband, Kris friggin Humphries.

He is a dink.  A very tall, a very lame, rink dink.

I knew he was a dink from his first appearance on the trash television show, all the way to his very cliche and staged marriage proposal...complete, of course, with candles and petals and bended knee and dufas written all over his huge face.  Playa, please.

In fact, I disliked the dufas-dink so very much that I never even watched the entire wedding special...which says quite a lot given my aforementioned love of Kim K.

And now the marriage is over.  What a shock.  (Picture me feigning surprise and dripping in sarcasm all at once.)  Everyone is wondering:  was it a sham all along?  A flirtation that was milked for all it was worth? A little bit of puppy love mixed with the unmet potential for something more? A ploy for ratings? An opportunity for a bigger paycheck?  An opportunity to have a huge party and wear all kinds of glamorous clothes?  A sucker punch at the sanctity of marriage?  Another example of what is wrong with the values of this country?  All of the above?

Yes.  Unfortunately for Kim. All of the above.

But I'm not that surprised and I'm not that offended. Personally, I've always been a fan of twist endings and cliff hangers.   "Who hired Kris Humphries?" is almost as compelling as "Who shot JR?"

Almost.

The next time they hire a husband for Kim, I hope it is at least someone I can respect and look up to...

Excuse me while I go remove my tongue from my cheek, and please keep yourself occupied with this: http://www.vice.com/read/i-am-suing-kim-kardashian

A Case of the Tuesdays: Out of the mouths of babes

This has circulated blogs and various tumblrs in the last week, but I just had to repost.

Marriage From A Kid’s Perspective

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? 

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you’re stuck with.– Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8 

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON

Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
— Lynnette, age 8 

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with
that.
– - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them.
— Anita, age 9

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
— Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is…

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump
truck.
— Ricky, age 10, way to go Ricky

Via insertcleverplayonwordshere.tumblr 

Let them eat donuts.

The Royal Donut is one way I won't be
celebrating the Royal Wedding. 
Maybe the only way.

Now that Dunkin' Donuts has officially announced their intention to honor the Royal Wedding with a donut, I think it's okay for me to tell you how unreasonably excited I am for the event.  I'm literally counting the days until Wills and Kate get hitched.  My excitement is really inexplicable, but it may have something to do with my love of hats and the fact that the bride's name is my name too.

I've considered taking the day off from work in order to properly celebrate this most sacred of unions.  However, given the early start time and the time difference between London and Boston, I think I will actually be able to watch before work in the morning.  Which is great, because we aren't allowed to stream videos at work during the day (it slows down the network across all five sites) and I got a bad reputation when I refused to turn off Michael Jackson's funeral, despite repeated requests from the higher ups.

At any rate, apparently I'm not the only one who's excited.  Besides the historic donut, there have been some other notable gestures made to honor the occasion.  Including, but not limited to, Kate Middleton dolls, Royal Engagement and Royal Wedding china lines, wedding gnomes, (Reportedly these do not have the couples faces on them.  Which is a missed opportunity if you ask me.) a coin and a special "Kiss Me Kate" beer brewed in Nottingham. (Anyone who can get me a bottle of this will be in my good graces f-o-r-e-v-e-r.) All these items, as well as countless books, magazine and "official guides" have already been produced and the wedding is still weeks away.

Who do I know in England?  Please get me this.

And it's not just me and the novelty shops that are going all out for the Royal couple.  Apparently, CNN, the most trusted name in news, is dispatching 124 reporters to cover The Event.  That's not a typo.  Wedding of the century indeed.

Only 24 days left to go.  Which is 100 less than the number of reporters CNN is sending.

xo kate

The reason for a Friday night poker game.

Good news, wildcats: Kim and Eric are getting hitched and I've been commissioned to be a bridesmaid this fall...making this lucky numba 8. Or is it 9? I can't remember. But it doesn't matter because unlike Joanna Smith in her hilarious video for her catchy song, Getting Married, I love love love being a bridesmaid.





Despite my affinity for bridesmaidenhood, I am having trouble accepting this role. To be honest, well, I want more.

I want to be the flower girl.

Kim and Eric don't have any adorable little tots available to toss petals on the day of the November nuptials, so I'm hoping (and prayin and wishin) that the gig is mine.

I realize that a 29 year old flower girl is a little unorthodox, a little out of the box, but let me 'splain my reasoning before you laugh it off as just another zany idea...a la training myself to wink.

(1) What I lack in youth, I make up in experience, determination, and potential.

(2) Weddings that break traditional rules and standards are so hot right now. Example 1 and example 2.

(3) Somebody has to throw the petals. There can't be NO petals. Kim deserves petals. Am I right or am I right?

(4) I excel at being a bridesmaid and I'm really ready to take on new responsibilities and challenges. I'm ready to grow.

(5) I have transferable skills. Specifically, my mastering of the Dougie dance will prove valuable in gently flicking my wrists and flinging the flowers.

If you have any suggestions on how I can make my case to Kim an Eric and thus realize my flower girl dream, let me know.

Speaking of weddings, remember when we discussed Tracy McMillan and her bulljive commentary on why I am not married? Yea...I've blocked it from my memory too.

Since my original post on the topic, her article has gone viral. It even inspired a hilarious and very necessary parody on the much loved Jezebel which you must must must read. And then tell me your favorite part.