Good news, wildcats: Kim and Eric are getting hitched and I've been commissioned to be a bridesmaid this fall...making this lucky numba 8. Or is it 9? I can't remember. But it doesn't matter because unlike Joanna Smith in her hilarious video for her catchy song, Getting Married, I love love love being a bridesmaid.
Despite my affinity for bridesmaidenhood, I am having trouble accepting this role. To be honest, well, I want more.
I want to be the flower girl.
Kim and Eric don't have any adorable little tots available to toss petals on the day of the November nuptials, so I'm hoping (and prayin and wishin) that the gig is mine.
I realize that a 29 year old flower girl is a little unorthodox, a little out of the box, but let me 'splain my reasoning before you laugh it off as just another zany idea...a la training myself to wink.
(1) What I lack in youth, I make up in experience, determination, and potential.
(2) Weddings that break traditional rules and standards are so hot right now. Example 1 and example 2.
(3) Somebody has to throw the petals. There can't be NO petals. Kim deserves petals. Am I right or am I right?
(4) I excel at being a bridesmaid and I'm really ready to take on new responsibilities and challenges. I'm ready to grow.
(5) I have transferable skills. Specifically, my mastering of the Dougie dance will prove valuable in gently flicking my wrists and flinging the flowers.
If you have any suggestions on how I can make my case to Kim an Eric and thus realize my flower girl dream, let me know.
Speaking of weddings, remember when we discussed Tracy McMillan and her bulljive commentary on why I am not married? Yea...I've blocked it from my memory too.
Since my original post on the topic, her article has gone viral. It even inspired a hilarious and very necessary parody on the much loved Jezebel which you must must must read. And then tell me your favorite part.
Yay! A picture from my wedding. I feel so vip, like I've been featured in the blog. But I realize this is totally misguided because if anyone is featured in this blog, it's kim and eric. So screw you, why haven't you written a blog entry about me?
ReplyDeleteTotally kidding. I just read your Jezebel link and it inspired my dual personality post.
Anyways, happy birthday my love. I hope you're having a fantastic day. Now back to work for me.
Yes! You should totally be promoted to flower petal thrower! I think your argument is sound and logical, they'll have no choice but to see it your way! Godspeed!
ReplyDeleteThe Jezebel write up was brilliant, I loved every line, #10 especially. A lifetime contract with a douchebag is no laughing matter, even if we are desperate for putting an R between MS.
I love it! You can be the "honorary flower girl"
ReplyDelete