GTL Thursday: A new workout

I can't wink.

This is no word of a lie. Seemingly, I just don't have control over my facial and occular muscles.

I've always just accepted this deficiency as if it was out of my control. Another can't to add to the list: I can't sing. I can't do the moonwalk. I can't roll my tongue. And I can't wink.

It is tragic, really. I've had to learn how to flirt and convey sass and sarcasm without winking. Translation: I suck at flirting and conveying sass.

I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking it too. This is absurd. 2011 is my bitch and it is time I take control. Today, I'm taking a mothertrucking stand against winklessness.

If we can coax our biceps into growing and our gluts into firming and our abs into situations, why can't I coax one eye to shut while the other remains open?

I've done prelim research and I think I'm ready to being spring strength training on my face. I'm basically going to be incorporating some new workouts into my GTL. With proper practice and support, my goal is to be able to wink...just one eye...by the summer solstice.

Of course, I am self absorbed enough to document the process here on wildcatsandwolfpacks.

I can't be the only one of my kind. If you can't wink either, join me. We'll form a support group and work together to overcome this feat.

So, without further ado let us begin.

Things You'll Need:

Two eyeballs
A mirror
Determination

1 Look at yourself in the mirror with both eyes open to practice.

Here goes nothin.

2 Close one eye quickly. If you can't do one side, try the other. Do which ever side feels more comfortable.

Just so we're clear, there is nothing quick about this. And neither feels comfortable.

3 Practice getting one eye as close to closing as possible if you can't get it shut all the way. Don't get frustrated if you can't get it there; it may just take you a while.

Me? Frusterated? Pfft. No way.
(you can tell by the neck strain that i'm working hard...)

4 Close one eye and hold it with your hand if you still can't wink. Practice this until you can keep your eye closed even after you've released it from your hand.

Easy. Cheesy. Lemon squeezy.

5 Try winking the other eye once you get one eye down. With enough practice you'll be able to wink one eye at a time quickly one after the other.

Yea. No. Not so much. K. Great.

6 Make sure, by checking yourself out in the mirror, that you aren't squinting or making a weird face when you wink. Practice winking until you look normal and natural doing it.

In my efforts to look normal and natural, I discovered this cheating trick: squish one side of the face with your fist. I love pensive AND I'm winking. Muahahaha.

Well, there you have it. Phase 1 of my strength training program. Do you think I'll be sore in the morning? Yea, me too.

I'll keep you updated on my progress, obvi. In the meantime, you words of support and encouragement are welcome.

Tips and tricks for successful winks are also greatly appreciated. xoxo

Read more: How to Wink eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2073838_wink.html#ixzz1FIA9nKjz